If that title didn’t catch your interest, then I don’t know what will! Honestly, that does sound pretty weird! And it is.
You see, that is the name of a story. A story about a… story!
You’re probably thoroughly confused. 🤨🤔
Last year, my dad told us a story. one we will probably never forget, nor let him forget! 😛 I wrote it in a total of two hours (editing and all, which is why there will most likely be several mistakes… It still needs some work.)
Anyway, I now present to you….. *Drumroll please!*
How Dad Caught a Lion and Ate his Toes
One very fine day, a little while before they lived happily ever after, the Marr family was sitting at the table, eating their beans. While the family was enjoying their food and discussing very important topics, such as who might go with with Dad to the store the next day, their favorite, and only cat was playfully playing under the table and trying to eat peoples feet. Pretty soon the kitten wanted something more adventurous to do.
So it searched for a convenient leg to climb onto. All the girls had skirts and most of the boys either had shorts or sat in a very high high-chair. Finally, it wandered to the far end of the table, where it found a very convenient leg – Daddy’s leg. So it started the long climb upward, stopping every few seconds to catch its breath. Then the little black kitten reached the top, purring proudly.
Just then, she heard grunt and felt a squirm. The cat thought that she would be taken away, and all her hard work would be for nothing. She’d have to do it all over again! But, then she heard a few loud protests from several of the mans sons and daughters. After that, she felt safer. So she yawned, laid herself down, and began her nap.
“Aw, Dad!” cried Gracie, who was the second child of the large family. “She likes you!”
“Oh dear,” said Dad, rather distressed. The rest of the family laughed.
The conversation soon drifted to cats, and their few advantages and many disadvantages. After a few minutes of this, Andy, in account of him being a young boy, asked, “Dad, do you know what cat meat tastes like?” Several of the girls shrieked, and “eewwed!” and tried to kick Andy under the table, but unfortunately, he was too far away. He grinned at them.
“Why, of course I do!”, Dad exclaimed, much to everyones surprise.
“What?” The children asked, unbelievingly.
“Well, it tastes sort of like a combination of squirrel meat, hippopotamus’ meat, and lion toes.”
Everybody laughed, relieved that he was just joking.
“Well,” Gracie laughed, “Have you ever tastes Squirrel meat?”
“Well, no, but…”
“No, but you see…”
“And have you ever had Lion’s toes?”
“You know, come to think of it, I did once!”
“What??!!”, came a slightly shocked voice. But not too shocked, because Dad was probably just joking. Probably.
“When? If you had of eaten lion toes, we would have know about it by now!”
“Well, there was that time very long ago – you wouldn’t remember it- in the dessert of… I don’t remember where, and I attacked a lion ate his toes.”
“But Dad, you haven’t told us about it yet!” said Bekah, though she didn’t believe that it really could have happened. She was just hoping for a story.
“Well then, I suppose now’s as good a time as any to tell you all about it.”
The kids cheered, and Rosy, who was the oldest of the Marr kids, quickly prepared her brain to remember as much of it as she could, so that she could write a story about it later, the one that you are reading right now.
So he told his children the story. Here’s how it went.
One morning, quite a few years ago, I was walking along in the desert, and looking for lion toes to eat. And I was carrying my handy-dandy fork along with me, in case I came across one.
And then, I spotted one! The biggest lion I’d ever seen and I’ve seen a lot! He was charging toward me, roaring as loud as he could. (Dad then let out his loudest roar.) So I just stood there and waited for the lion to get a little closer.
“I am going to eat your toes!” I yelled to the lion, who was now very close indeed.
“No, you are not,” laughed the Lion, “I’m going to eat you!!!’”
And the beast lunged forward, laughing an evil laugh, with his mouth wide open. So I got ready for the attack. Getting in position, I snatched my fork out of my pocket.
The Lion was upon me now, and he was just about to gobble my head up in one big giant gulp, when I stuffed my hand into the Lion’s mouth, and reached down as far as I possibly could. I reached way down in there, and grabbed the end of the lion’s tail.
The lion was so surprised; he couldn’t do anything to me. So I got a good grip on the tail, jerked as hard as I could, and spun the lion around until he turned inside out.
After that, the Lion was rather helpless and couldn’t do much to me anymore. And do you know what the Lion said to me?”
“What?” The children asked in unison.
“Well, I don’t know either, because he was talking backward…
So, I reached again for my fork, which was lying on the ground since I hadn’t needed it in the attack. I dug right in, and I ate his toes. All the while, the lion was staring at his insides.
When I was finished with one toe, I cleaned up and went home.
The listeners all laughed gleefully over the story, all talking at once about their favorite parts. Philip let out a loud whoop, and James imitated his older brother, causing every body’s ears to ring. Susy banged her spoon against the table, making a loud racket. Rosy was going over the story again and again, making sure that she had everything remembered correctly.
“Wait!” Lizzie, daughter number three, yelled above the noise. “What happened to the lion?”
“That’s right!” Her sibling wondered, “What happened to him?”
“Oh,” shrugged Dad, “Well, he ended up in some museum of unnatural history.”
Nobody got it, except for Rosy and Gracie, who were laughing so hard that their siblings wondered what was wrong.
Then the rest of the kids bombarded Dad with a bunch of questions, trying to stump him and force him to admit that the story was false.
“Where did it happen, Dad?”
“Dad, when was it?”
“Was it fun, Dad?”
“Did you keep one of the Lions teeth for a souvenir?” That was Andy.
“No, of course not,” Dad answered.
“Well, everybody knows that when you catch a lion, you’re supposed to take one of his teeth to show that it really did happen!”
“Well,” Dad said, “I’m not a dentist, and the lion didn’t have a cavity.”
Everyone laughed at that.
“Dad, how old were you when that happened?” Ruthie asked.
Dad let out a little sigh. “I was 76.”
“HA!” yelled Lizzie. (Nobody noticed when her younger brother James copied her yell.), “That proves it! This story can’t be true, because you were never 76 before!”
Dad heaved another little sigh, “You guessed it. It wasn’t a true story,” He said, pretending to be sorry, but not being. “You guys are all so smart!”
By now supper was almost over. When everyone had finished, Dad lifted the snoring kitty off his lap, and said, “Time for meal chores!”
Everybody groaned, some outwardly, and some inwardly, and resigned themselves to their work.
And the kitten never knew the story he had caused.
P.S. Oh, and they lived happily ever after.
P.S.S. “Well!” Exclaimed Mom, “I once ate frog legs!”
And there you have it! Now you know what meal time at our house is like, lol! 😂
Also, Happy Valentines Day!
Jeremiah 31:3 ❤